Tentang Nina Harfin #19

That was a busy week. My dad appeared on national television, not for good. I didn’t tell anybody what I had gone through, that I cried at night and in the morning. I cried when I heard my father cried while he was reciting Qur’an. I didn’t think my dad deserve this kind of attention.
But my boyfriend knew nothing about that. He knew all the stories from the media. Whenever heasked me, I changed the topic so I didn’t have to explain him anything.
At that moment I just knew that I was not comfortable enough to share things that make me upset to anyone including him. Whenever things got me sad, I didn’t tell him straightforwardly. I kept silent, I took a space from him, and he would be clueless. In the end, I would feel bad about him and back to the old happy me, without him knowing what I felt.
 But something on that moment got me realized that the way I couldn’t express and communicate those things made him upset too.
So One night on a phone call, I finally told him all the things from the very beginning. I learnt to tell him things, to explain him the things that I wasn’t comfortable enough to share, and be more open to him. Even I didn’t know how, I just tried. It was surely not easy for me, but I thought it was necessary for both of us.

And I thought,
Only with him,
I was willing to learn many new things that I thought I wouldn’t do.

I thought what made me love him the most was the fact that he was so smart and humble, or the fact that he prayed 5 times a day. But then I realized that eventhough sharing same principles made us get along better, having someone who love me and willing to do almost anything for me melted my heart the most. The way he looked at me, the way he said ‘I love you’ so frequently, the way he tried his best to make me happy, the way he tried his best to understand me.. was beyond what I had expected. He’s surely an incredible partner.