ALHAMDULILLAH, DREAMS DO COME TRUE!

ALHAMDULILLAH:)

i cant lie my self

"it's been a while since i wrote stuffs on blog. i leave my old blog on blogger because it contained more feelings than thoughts. stupid and twisted feelings; kinda hate to read them again. those posts give me back the old feelings i should never thought. so that's why i made the WordPress one:)

dan aku mulai menulis menggunakan bahasa indonesia, kembali. sebenernya agak aneh sih nulis pakai bahasa gini, cuma aku nggak mau kehilangan kemampuan menulisku dalam bahasa indonesia! aku nggak bisa menjamin kalau aku bakal selamanya menulis pakai bahasa indonesia, it sounds... awkward for me (haha bahasa inggris lagi:p), cuma ya aku harus berusaha!:D

and i'm writing this as i have many readers... when it's none. bukan apa apa, tapi dari dulu sih aku nulisnya gini. ada atau tidak ada yang membaca pada faktanya, tapi aku menulis memang untuk dibaca sih sebenernya. ........... hahaha bohong. aku nggak pernah menulis untuk dibaca orang. i write because something's glued on my mind and i can't stand it, so i trash them all on blog.

now what's on my mind?

it's managing my life. we're never know how long we're gonna breath. it's maybe today, tomorrow, next month, next year, or maybe next five years, is our last time to breath. and that fact has been freaking me out. what if i'm gonna die tomorrow. have i done something great? will the world lost someone great? will the people lost someone important? well... at least, will the world lost on of its helper? will people lost one personality that would never be replaced? the answer of those must be a big no. it's kicking my stomach already.

people say: live for your own sake. im gonna say: im going to live for God's sake and people sake. im gonna leave a b0ld foot print. that's my vision of life........ lols. it's not that im thinking of that vision everyday, but when i'm lost, i'll always be remembering my self that i have to be something in life, not for my self, but for the people who need helps. there are billions of people, few of them living the life beautifully and the rest living the life suffering. i just find my self so happy making people happy, too. it's relieving!:) so i decided to make people happy as my purpose of life, since i wanna be happy in my entire life!

i've worked hard to make people happy, but their states of happiness are so random, literally. some of people like to be treated like A but the rest like to be treated like B, etc. it's tiring. then i finally found that i must be make it smaller; make my purpose smaller. since i like meeting new people and seeing hopes, i wanna be a doctor. i used to go to hospital every day because my auntie had a breast cancer that had spread all over her body--before she died 7 years later. and i love how hospital gives hopes to people, how nice the doctors and the nurses. and basically i love reading. i love being such a geek. i love dreaming to be a doctor, then.

i stopped on that. i cant think what minor i would be working on, would i be a doctor on hospitals, or be a lecturer, or have a clinic, or make a hospital, or anything. i just want to be as smart as i can, and i wanna help people as much as i can. please pray for me!

i should write these all in bahasa indonesia, right? $@%#^#^

oke. mungkin lain kali aku akan nulis pake bahasa indonesia, tapi enggak sekarang. aku nggak punya tenaga lagi buat menerjemahin semua ini;p

see ya!"

that was my post on wordpress, my wordpress. i tried to build something new. i want to forget the old me. but i cant. this is me, the old the new the now. i have to accept those 3 parts of me and im not going to lie to my self anymore. this sounds like a kind of self affirmation, doesn't it?:p hahaha whatever it is, it's reliving to be back writing here, again:)

is this really June already? ghhh, im feeling like im going trough 2011 without really doing anything. so saad!:( but the rest 2o11 im gonna make a huge effort to make this year lasts! wish me luck!:)