"kamu mau pergi?"
"apa ada yang tertinggal? jangan coba-coba bilang itu hatiku. jangan pura-pura itu belum hilang ditengah jalan berhari-hari yang lalu."
"tolong.. jangan seperti ini ..."
"apa? kamu. kamu yang jangan kayak gini. ngiket pake kata-kata, tapi ngelepas aku sebebas-bebasnya ke kebun binatang."
"tapi binatang-binatang itu punya kandang."
"tapi mereka juga masih bisa meneriaki aku! masih bisa menakut-nakuti aku..."
"kamu takut?"
"siapa yang enggak? kamu nggak ngerti."
"aku selalu berusaha buat ngerti.."
"mana buktinya? kalau kamu ngerti, coba peduli lebih banyak. lihat aku. apa aku aman? apa aku nyaman? peduli, itu?"
percakapan itu membuyarkan mimpi indahku semalam; pergi ke kebun binatang, saat tanteku masih hidup. itu adalah saat pertama dan terakhir kalinya aku ke kebun binatang. kebun binatang....
***
Saturday, September 17, 2011
walking in between fantasy and reality.
i've been encouraging myself to write blog post for weeks. 'i have to write these all!' said my mind to my body. but i don't feel like writing anything until this exact time. 11.00 pm. i don't know what i really wanna write, but i just wanna picture you my reality.
i've accepted in the best med school in Indonesia, said QS surveys. proud? yes i am. but life isn't just about pride, right? this is kinda hard. not saying about the subjects, bcs actually i haven't started any class yet. the first block has its own schedule; unlike other majors, the freshmen of medschool have a week (more) off.
i've been around with smart-ass people, and some of them said they only relied on their luck. well, in this case i mostly said my hardwork and prayer that helped me so much to get in here. there are so many new people. some of them are good, but the rest are.. i don't know. i just hasn't got the time to know them better yet. i feel like left behind, when some of my friends have their own circle of friends. i only know some better. i'm not sure whether it is my circle friends or not, i just feel most comfortable with those few ones.
i know, college life will be rude and the people are also kinda individuals living together. but i just.... haven't got used to it. at that time i felt. what for i get into this school? i could be more relaxed if i were majoring something more light, that wasn't about anyone's life, that didn't put as much pride as this thing, that didn't get as much attention as this. but what for am i complaining? then i asked my self. for nothing. i have to be responsible for what I've chosen.
then Allah gave me a reminder. i read an article about saving gaza last 2010. i remembered what i have to do. what i wanna do. cancer, kids, internal medicine and war victims are still my favorite. i still have such a big heart for doing medical stuff, learn more about that.
i just don't comfortable with the people... yet.
and i kinda dislike a very few ones.
but im very thankful i've got some new nice friends. i hope everything will go smoothly soon. really soon.
thanks for the big support, girls. no one would replace any of you. not even a guy... yet!:p
i've accepted in the best med school in Indonesia, said QS surveys. proud? yes i am. but life isn't just about pride, right? this is kinda hard. not saying about the subjects, bcs actually i haven't started any class yet. the first block has its own schedule; unlike other majors, the freshmen of medschool have a week (more) off.
i've been around with smart-ass people, and some of them said they only relied on their luck. well, in this case i mostly said my hardwork and prayer that helped me so much to get in here. there are so many new people. some of them are good, but the rest are.. i don't know. i just hasn't got the time to know them better yet. i feel like left behind, when some of my friends have their own circle of friends. i only know some better. i'm not sure whether it is my circle friends or not, i just feel most comfortable with those few ones.
i know, college life will be rude and the people are also kinda individuals living together. but i just.... haven't got used to it. at that time i felt. what for i get into this school? i could be more relaxed if i were majoring something more light, that wasn't about anyone's life, that didn't put as much pride as this thing, that didn't get as much attention as this. but what for am i complaining? then i asked my self. for nothing. i have to be responsible for what I've chosen.
then Allah gave me a reminder. i read an article about saving gaza last 2010. i remembered what i have to do. what i wanna do. cancer, kids, internal medicine and war victims are still my favorite. i still have such a big heart for doing medical stuff, learn more about that.
i just don't comfortable with the people... yet.
and i kinda dislike a very few ones.
but im very thankful i've got some new nice friends. i hope everything will go smoothly soon. really soon.
thanks for the big support, girls. no one would replace any of you. not even a guy... yet!:p
Friday, September 2, 2011
last friday
yeah, if it's not clear enough, this is the last friday before the college life starts. i am excited beside very scared of what will be coming to me. new friends, new place, new subjects; as i wanted, and (please) still want are really... matters. i always picture on my mind, studying in a peaceful place, and stay focus on study, like staying in library for hours, staying up late for reading. but i can't guarantee i would do that..... but i have to. i have to. i have to.
it's not that i am not clearly being thankful of all of this. but, im afraid this will be far from what i've imagined. i always afraid to face the reality. i was living in a drama i made for lightening my reality. well, the reality had punched me a little. i met few college friends and see some of them in facebook group. im so sorry to write this, but i don't feel comfortable with them. or just not yet? i don't really know.
most of those who wants to be doctors want to get most money, or follow what their parents want them to do, or just have no idea what their super good brains are for.
i hate the fact that i'll not be with those who are passionately help the world to cure it the best.
they're not global minded. they think that taking med school and have specialization study after that are the best thing they could ever do.
i wanna meet people who dream about making new medicine, cure hiv/aids, have a project on cancer cells. well, i am sorry for being so under estimate, over reacting, and so judging at the first meet. i know this is wrong, but i don't wanna disappointed more than this.
but this aint about those others students. this is how can you help the world instead. if being an ordinary curing doctor helps the world, i'm sure i will be one of them. but.... im gonna make it clear how i wanna help the world, but first i wanna be the part of it. i wanna study abroad. most of people say: we doctors dont need to go abroad 'cause it's different thing we learn in other country and make no benefit when we come back home.
well, i'll prove you wrong. small-minded guys that got trapped in bureaucracy are the ones i expect the least i wanna learn from. i wanna be around world-class tutors, wide-minded people, thick books, hard worker people, independent students, and all. i want the experiences and the study. please please please, Allah, let me get this dream:)
amin..
it's not that i am not clearly being thankful of all of this. but, im afraid this will be far from what i've imagined. i always afraid to face the reality. i was living in a drama i made for lightening my reality. well, the reality had punched me a little. i met few college friends and see some of them in facebook group. im so sorry to write this, but i don't feel comfortable with them. or just not yet? i don't really know.
most of those who wants to be doctors want to get most money, or follow what their parents want them to do, or just have no idea what their super good brains are for.
i hate the fact that i'll not be with those who are passionately help the world to cure it the best.
they're not global minded. they think that taking med school and have specialization study after that are the best thing they could ever do.
i wanna meet people who dream about making new medicine, cure hiv/aids, have a project on cancer cells. well, i am sorry for being so under estimate, over reacting, and so judging at the first meet. i know this is wrong, but i don't wanna disappointed more than this.
but this aint about those others students. this is how can you help the world instead. if being an ordinary curing doctor helps the world, i'm sure i will be one of them. but.... im gonna make it clear how i wanna help the world, but first i wanna be the part of it. i wanna study abroad. most of people say: we doctors dont need to go abroad 'cause it's different thing we learn in other country and make no benefit when we come back home.
well, i'll prove you wrong. small-minded guys that got trapped in bureaucracy are the ones i expect the least i wanna learn from. i wanna be around world-class tutors, wide-minded people, thick books, hard worker people, independent students, and all. i want the experiences and the study. please please please, Allah, let me get this dream:)
amin..
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