Relationship 101 - What I Learned

One thing that I learned about our relationship for the past year is that how to forgive and forget. At first, I didn’t know how. When my boyfriend made one single mistake that had shaken me profoundly, I thought that was it. I was mad, I cried, I couldn’t talk to him for days, and I couldn’t think anything but giving up. I thought I wanted to give up. But he never ever gave up, not even once. He called me for times, he tried to explain about everything, and I started to want to tell him my story too; why it made me sad, what made me mad, how did I feel about all of these. I was so emotional that I knew, my words might hurt him. Realizing the potential to hurt him at that time, it started to hurt me too. I was neglecting that feeling, something that felt like the something stabbed me right on my chest and it got heavier each time I breathe. But later I realized I got hurt every time I knew I hurt him.

All the efforts and the conversation that we had at that time made me realize that I didn’t want to lose him. I also realized that if I decided to forgive him and let this issue go, we would not have this kind of crazy argument and we might not hurt each other this bad; we would be fine. All the sadness, the burdens, the heavy feelings I carried was all because of me that complicate things. And after realizing all of that, I learned a lot to forgive and forget, then move on. I didn’t have to bring that issue anymore, I didn’t have to blame him for once more, or anything. I have to let go because sometimes it gets too heavy to carry.

But sometime he didn’t understand. He didn’t understand how I choose one thing over another. Why would I make that decision? Or how could I decide something that he thought was not wise enough? I didn’t like being in an argument about something that feels too personal for me so I kept silent. But then, I didn’t think I could be with someone that couldn’t understand that part of me, so I decided to talk about that. if that brought us an argument, then be it.

“I know that you want only the best for me, but what if the best doesn’t make me happy? How do you know that the best thing you talked about makes me happy, even happier than my own decision? I believe that happy people could do almost anything because happiness gives them power. Can you believe in me? Can you believe in what I believe? Can you happy for me, please?”

And I tried so hard to bring my diplomacy skill into higher level. He was hard. He was stubborn. He was right for most of the time and he thought he was right for this too. But I let him know about one thing he hadn’t know before: that someone’s happiness can get really personal and not universal, so he had to respect that even it looked so weird and uncommon, he still had to believe in it. And he started to believe in me, he started to stop forcing his ideas into mine, and started to listen to me even more. Knowing that we’re progressing this far had made me so happy. The fact that I was able to deliver what I really wanted to say and wanted to do, which I was lacking in my previous relationships,made me happy too. I finally learned to communicate better too in this relationship.

I know I still have a long journey full of ups and downs ahead, but I know no one that fit me better than he does, so I thought, the journey must be worth it.

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A video posted by Ninoscha (@adninahr) on Jan 19, 2017 at 2:54am PST

Dear @alfianharfin Let's spend more days to love, to argue, to forgive, to fight what we thought is right, to keep each other company, to help each other to be better both as a person and as a partner. The highest act of love doesn't come in a physical form, and it may be differ from one another. So thankyou for keeping up with me through all the good and bad things, it's beyond what i deserve. I love you since you called me at 3 am, sang me a love song and left me clueless about everything, until now even when you never sing for me anymore 🙄
 We're far from perfect but i think it's enough ❤

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Rembember when i wrote the #DasaWina series? I was nothing but very sceptical about long distance relationship. What kind of relationship is that? A very fragile and sad one, i thought.

And then..

There comes the moment

 When i've gotta get through that;

 6700 miles, 5 hours of time difference.

 Sleeping when he's awake, doing things while he's asleep. Sleepless nights. Bad bad signal connection. Phone call. Video call. Chats. Pictures. Voice notes. Singing song. Sleepy face. Love letter. Postcards. Emails. Everything. I've done it all.

 And let me tell you it wasn't easy at all. How could you build trust without real convo, without looking at his eyes, to really tell that he's saying the truth? How could you feel comfortable with that person without having his physical presence around you?

 Now we're living in the same GMT +7 area but it doesn't mean things get easier.

 I would never think i could ever do this without him. He's more than i'd ever thought he was. He's such an incredible man not only because he's super brainy (and nerdy and geeky and everything that follows in one package but i totally love!!!) and ultimate kind, but because he rains me with endless patience like i actually never deserve; little he knows that it has helped me to grow, a lot. I gave up easily but he never made that as a choice. It's wonderful how we both try to meet halfway, though we have huge huge ego. He knows exactly what he wants and so do i, but we try to compromise a lot; or according to him, it's to 'sort and shift'. It's amazing how we can talk about anything, from science to politics, and it leaves me in awe that most of the time we share the same value over things, and even if we argue, we never dabate to win our arguments but to get the finest understanding instead.

 Thank you, Fin. You know how i feel about you. My feelings to you grow incredibly even after i know that you're not perfect and our relationship is not perfect, because i ain't perfect too so we have a lot of space to grow together. May the fourth be with us ❤️