Epilog/Prolog

Saya rasa Tuhan tidak akan pernah main-main dengan takdir kita. Cerita saya bertemu dengan kamu, mungkin bisa jadi sebuah kebetulan semata, tapi bagaimana kita berdua bertahan dengan satu sama lain rasanya tidak mungkin menjadi kebetulan. Bagaimana saya selalu bahagia disamping kamu, bagaimana saya percaya untuk menitipkan impian-impian saya pada kamu, bagaimana saya selalu bisa memaafkan kamu bahkan sebelum kamu minta maaf, bagaimana saya selalu menanti bertemu kamu kembali pulang. Saya percaya Tuhan menitipkan perasaan ini agar kita bersatu dengan cara yang diberkahi, insyaAllah.

Semoga Allah selalu meridhoi jalan yang kita pilih, membantu kita dan menjaga kita agar selalu berjalan di jalan yang Allah kehendaki.

Terimakasih untuk masa-masa pacaran yang singkat dan indah ini.

Sampai bertemu ketika kita sudah menjadi sepasang suami-istri, sayang.

Tentang Nina Harfin #20

When he talked to my parents about our plan, It was surprisingly smooth, but I was more surprised that he was so calm and far from nervous, talked so gently and clear about everything to both of my parents. That time I knew, I picked the right guy.

Then it came to my engagement day, I was more than nervous. It was so surreal.  Having our family supported our relationship was a blessings. The vibe was so warm and familiar and I was really grateful for that day.

It was one of the happiest day of my life.

Tentang Nina Harfin #19

That was a busy week. My dad appeared on national television, not for good. I didn’t tell anybody what I had gone through, that I cried at night and in the morning. I cried when I heard my father cried while he was reciting Qur’an. I didn’t think my dad deserve this kind of attention.
But my boyfriend knew nothing about that. He knew all the stories from the media. Whenever heasked me, I changed the topic so I didn’t have to explain him anything.
At that moment I just knew that I was not comfortable enough to share things that make me upset to anyone including him. Whenever things got me sad, I didn’t tell him straightforwardly. I kept silent, I took a space from him, and he would be clueless. In the end, I would feel bad about him and back to the old happy me, without him knowing what I felt.
 But something on that moment got me realized that the way I couldn’t express and communicate those things made him upset too.
So One night on a phone call, I finally told him all the things from the very beginning. I learnt to tell him things, to explain him the things that I wasn’t comfortable enough to share, and be more open to him. Even I didn’t know how, I just tried. It was surely not easy for me, but I thought it was necessary for both of us.

And I thought,
Only with him,
I was willing to learn many new things that I thought I wouldn’t do.

I thought what made me love him the most was the fact that he was so smart and humble, or the fact that he prayed 5 times a day. But then I realized that eventhough sharing same principles made us get along better, having someone who love me and willing to do almost anything for me melted my heart the most. The way he looked at me, the way he said ‘I love you’ so frequently, the way he tried his best to make me happy, the way he tried his best to understand me.. was beyond what I had expected. He’s surely an incredible partner.

Tentang Nina Harfin #18

1st January 2017. He was back. My dream guy had back from another timezone.
It was weird though that I wasn’t that much excited. Maybe because I got used to live my daily life without him. Maybe because I had been enjoying life with myself way too much. Or anything else.
That day he picked me up and promised me to have lunch far from town.
“aku laper… bisa deket-deket aja nggak? Geprek kek… apa kek…”
“sekali-kali kita makan agak jauhan lah..”
An hour later, we still stuck in traffic. I was about to cry.
“aku laper banget..”
“iya sabar ya..”
I wasn’t that patient. I kept silent.
We arrived at that place and it was so crowded we almost had no table left.
He saw I held my tears. (I know, I overreacted over food. But please, food is a necessity for human being, so I don’t think my reaction was abnormal. Of if it was, just please, let me). I ate in silent. He said sorry for times for letting me hungry for more than an hour but I thought I was so tired, i just needed to go home and sleep. He begged me to just stay a little bit more. I felt bad for him so I just asked my souvenirs from German. And he gave me a book.



When I opened,
I couldn’t stop laughing.


He couldn’t be that romantic…
Could he?



He didn’t ask the magical words.
And I didn’t answer anything
But I was just beyond happy,
I couldn’t stop laughing.
I couldn’t believe that a guy
Would do this to me.

Extra story:
At home, I called him,
“jadi tadi itu kamu ngelamar aku apa Cuma ngasih cincin aku aja sih?”
“menurut kamu?”
“nggak tau..”
“ya ngelamar kamu lah.”
So next time you should ask, ok?
But wait, there should never be a next time!

Tentang Nina Harfin #17

2nd December 2016. It was his birthday. And I had no idea what to buy as a birthday gift, I had no idea how to celebrate the birthday of loved one. And he was 6 hours late from my time zone.

So I was back to basic; I sang happy birthday and let him blow the candles through the monitor.

I promised him that this was gonna be the last time we celebrated his birthday in such basic way.

And this year I will be right next to you when you wake up in the morning, with many many many upcoming surprises, with more of the things you love the most.

Tentang Nina Harfin #16

When I thought it was gonna be more boring than before, you proved me wrong. You proved me wrong all the time. I never thought that a long distance relationship could be this...fine.

Tentang Nina Harfin #15

He had to go back to Germany, and we thought our next date couldn’t be the regular cinema date, we needed to do something out of our routine. We thought; why didn’t we watch sunrise?

That day, he picked me up at 4 am and went straight to Borobudur to watch Borobudur sunrise.

I couldn’t forget that day. I couldn’t forget the feeling to have my bucket-list crossed, to see such a beauty from afar, like we were only little tiny creature compared to everything that I saw that morning. It was such a beautiful morning and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

At that day, I kept looking at him and I thought; could us survive that long-distance relationship for once more? am I patient enough for that? can I do that meanwhile I’ll be back and forth to the hospital? How would we schedule our skype date? And many many many other anxious thougts that kept my mind busy.

But I thought, that morning I just wanted to enjoy the moment.

It was one of the finest date we ever had and I didn’t want to ruin that.

He’s mine and he made me happy and that’s all that matter.

So thank you for that.

P.s.: you left me a superrrr duper pretty hand-made arts, like really out of expectation, and I was beyond happy to have that:”) how could you be that thoughtful?

Tentang Nina Harfin #14

I cherished birthday. I loved having my loved ones around me when I was adding one more year to my age. But as I grew up, I realized that it didn’t matter anymore. Number was merely a number and how I make the most out of it that counts.

But he still inssited to make it special by sending me a bucket of roses to my room in Banyumas, and the next day, he took a train to Banyumas and drive me home safely.

He might not realize that it was the first time ever I spend my birthday with a boyfriend, any boyfriend.

Tentang Nina Harfin #13

One night, in Ramadhan 2016, I called him. After talking about things we had that day, I asked him a question I had kept for days.

“Kira-kira, kita nikahnya kapan ya, Fin?”

“Ya nanti, abis kamu lulus dulu.. katanya mau internship jauh?”

“Oh gitu ya.. hmm..”

Should I tell him?

“Hmm.. gini aja Fin.. coba kamu pikirin aja apa kamu mantep sama aku tahun depan. Kalau sampe tahun depan kamu ternyata belum mantep sama aku, bilang ya. Kita udahan aja. Meanwhile, kita rajinin sholat malemnya. Tanya sama Allah.. biar Allah yang bantu jawab.”

And I felt that he was a bit surprised, but I felt like I needed to say this. If he didn’t want to be with me, I wouldn’t mind to let him go, even I knew it would be such a messy heartbreak for me.

Tentang Nina Harfin #12

Coming from different subject of study didn’t make our discussions dull, instead we talked about a lot of things from a very different perspectives. It was interesting to see how he worked from 8-5, with projects from all over Southeast Asia, and compared the work ethic from people around the world, as he worked in a multinational company. And sometimes, he didn’t get how I had to do a lot of things just to please the seniors, or how hard it was just to meet one consultant in hospital.

But if I could pick one thing that I love about us doing a very different job, was to have a deeper understanding that the term of struggling was different from one another. For him, working on a project that had a tight deadline and made him came home at midnight was a struggling. For me, bagging a leukemia patient that had a very limited respond for an hour was a struggling.

And that was how we appreciate one another.

To more of our future goals and dream careers; I would never stop supporting you to do what you love, and I’d like to have you during my good and bad days during my journey to achieve my dreams. Let’s forever shift and sort for one another <3

Tentang Nina Harfin #11

The first rotation after long holiday was internal medicine. I stayed at hospital until 9-10 pm, every single day. That was nothing compared pediatric or obs/gyn rotation, but he started to feel uncomfortable already. How would I explain to him that I was so tired I couldn’t call him? Or that I had to wake up so early to do so many homeworks and couldn’t let him know that I had woken up or that I had went to hospital?

“So sorry, but you had to understand that my rotation would be a lot like this,” I told him.

And I told him for times.

We argue a lot, followed by a lot more of discussion. 

I didn’t like picking a fight. I was the kind of person to leave just like that and throw ‘terserah’ whenever I wanted because I didn’t wanna think about stuffs. I didn’t wanna debate, I didn’t wanna negociate; those things need effort and I didn’t think most of my previous relationships worth the efforts.
But then I thought, I couldn’t do that if I wanted us become a team.

And that was the very first time I tried my diplomacy ability, to compromise to a man I had known only for few months, to discuss, to listen more and try to understand more, to ask what I really want. I would never do that if it wasn’t for him.


Extra: but after that, he handled my busy schedule way much better. Hands down to this guy who didn’t get texts from me during day and night that frequent yet he still tried his best to understand.
It was so much more than I had given, much more than I had expected.

Tentang Nina Harfin #10

He was finally back to the hometown. We finally met.

We
Finally
Freaking
Met.

And surprisingly, it wasn’t as awkward as I thought. We had pretty fun date to cinema, watched sunset, and had dinner as the closure.
Despite all the fun day with him, I secretly awed how natural it was, as if we had known forever. I didn’t have to act like anyone else, I didn’t have to think what to do or what to say. We didn’t have to play pretend. It was like we dated for some times.

So I thought, “oh ini pacarku yang aku belum pernah ketemu itu..”

Tentang Nina Harfin #9

And I had that routine for weeks; woke up at 3 am, called him, had my normal day, called him at 12 pm to make sure he was awake already, texted him until 1-2 pm, waited for the lunch break at 5-6 pm, and waited him from work at 9 pm, sleep, repeat. That was not much to say during that time. I kept a lot of things from him. Then, I decided to write though #AboutHim00. The number following the hashtag was the number of days I’ve known him since the first day I texted him, 4th April 2016.

“Someday we will find what we are looking for.
Or maybe we won’t.
Maybe we will find something much greater than that.
Maybe it’s you.”

#AboutHim00 46

Tentang nina Harfin #8

28 April 2016

We had a video call, like any other random nights. And he said,

“Kita kan udah lama ya Nin kenal, kontakan, aku ngerasa nyambung sama kamu..dan makin kesini aku ngerasa sayang sama kamu…”

And I was laughing. I had no idea that this guy would say anything like that.

“Oh.. ya iya kok aku juga seneng kenal baik sama kamu deket sama kamu gini…”

And I was still laughing. Until a moment I thought;

“Ini kamu nembak aku?”

And he was the one who laughed then.

“Iyalah, kalo enggak, menurutmu aku ngapain?”

“While we haven’t met?”

“Yak an udah ketemu di skype. Apa sih bedanya…”

“Ya beda lah…”

And I decided to leave that way. I did not answer. I knew I liked him… but being in a relationship? I didn’t know. I never thought about that, with him, this fast.

Days passed by.

And one day I thought,

Even when I haven’t said it yet, we acted like a lover, you know? Then why don’t we make it official?

And on 4th May I decided to be in a relationship with him; the one I hadn’t met at all.


Crazy crazy love.

Tentang Nina Harfin #7

It had been almost 4 weeks and I felt like I had known him for so long. He’s the kind of guy that I would fall for instantly. He knew what he’s doing, he knew what he was about to do, he knew what he wanted, he knew what he had to do to get what he wanted, he talked to the point, he never ever bragged about his works overseas, he was extra humble about everything. One of the things that makes me wonder about him was his ability to be extra careful about what he ate, whether it was halal or not. Moreover, he put so much effort just to pray 5 times a day even in the office where they didn’t have a place for that, and once a week he had to find nearest mosque outside the office just to pray. And I thought the last point was the thing that made me fall for him hardest.


But I didn’t think that kind of guy would fall for me.

Tentang Nina Harfin #6

A week later, 3 weeks after our first text and I still hang on. I thought, there would be something unpredictable that would make us apart in the future like any other guy before, so I just needed to wait.

When I woke up from a nap, I got a voice mail from him, and I pressed the play button.


For the very first time, I heard someone sang me a song so beautifully. And I cried out of happiness.

Maliq and d’essentials - Pilihanku

Then I thought, He might have a tiny little feelings for me… but it didn’t mean anything.. Right?

I mean, I had few guys in the past who came back and forth just to have my attention and went missing when I needed them. I had tons of heartbreaks caused by that. And I was prepared for another one.

Even though I couldn’t stop smiling from that surprise from him, I didn’t think he would like the idea of us being together in a relationship.

I kept playing the song until I lost to count.

Tentang Nina Harfin #5

Two weeks later, I started to get tired of the routine. I woke up at 3 am as he called me to wake me up to do prayer, and we had phone call until the next prayer and he went sleep. I needed to sleep at 9 pm to be able to do that, and i needed to have a nap at 1 pm just to make sure my brain worked well. When he went to the office (Germany time), I couldn’t reach him. I couldn’t tell him about the things I had been went through in a day. I was tired to just get a text after 5 hours or so. At that time, I just recovered from a heartbreak and I didn’t think this worth a fight to. And I told him,

“Eh gimana kalo kita kontakannya pas sama-sama sempat aja? Kayak, pas kamu pulang dan aku masih bangun, atau pas weekend, atau pas kamu pulang ke indo?”

I was ready to let this go. I couldn’t bear this uncertain feelings.

“Kamu pengertian dong Nin. Disini kan aku kerja. Kamu sekarang pas lagi selo, tapi coba besok pas kamu balik ke rumah sakit, mungkin kamu yang lebih sibuk. Kenapa nggak kita belajar aja untuk saling sempetin? Toh aku tetep bales, kan. Cuma lama….”

(lah malah dimarahin…..???)

And I couldn’t read the rest of the message. I cried. Why couldn’t I just escape? I wasn’t a fond of a long distance relationship, I didn’t see a future in us.

“Oh…ok then. Met kerja ya..:)” I told him as if nothing happened.

But then, I just slept with tears on my cheek. I didn’t wanna think about anything.