the rainy days.

updated: i am working on the project i've been dreaming for years and i'll get paid for it. HOW FUN!:P

college stuffs still fill my days. as usual. as it should be. but now i can manage my time better. i just realized that.... what if i die tomorrow. when i only had my time to study all the time and still cant get the best grade; would i regret? would i be sorry? and the answer is just a big yes. so i try to enjoy the days, better. i have fun everyday, cherish every moment, wasting time (a tiny bit:p in a guilty feeling:p), but at least.... i don't postpone happiness:) because happiness is what we should feel in every thing we do. happiness brings joy and it should be within us every day. even a big storm get trough me, i should have a happiness inside myself so i can get trough bad days and see a clear rainbow after that. Allah teaches me this, in every possible way. Allah trynna to tell me this in every way He could but i just sooooo real late to realize this. after i got a little...(let's say it's little to make me feel less guilty, k?) failure. well, failure is never really a failure if we can get a real value from it:)

and i just realized that, i have the bestest friends i could possibly have. had a great time with them last week and they're always remembering me about who i really am, or at least who i was, so i can get back to the place where i start. so i can remember all the things that put me here. so when i'm about to give up, i just run to it, instead. thank you guys. i cant get the better version of you. never. ever:)

diss the little-cold and creative one, sandy the wise and widely open minded one, anna the...hyperbolic-yet-so-sweet-and-talkative one, and ririe the understanding and outstandingly wellknown one:p i love you guys. more than any word can describe. thank you for being there at my ups and especially at my downs:)

and i love the rain. i love how i remember those days before, the smell of the rain last year, or the last two years, or more. i just love the end of the year. i love designing my life, again. i love my life, and the most of all, i love you Allah. thanks for Your guidance so far. im so blessed having You in my life:)

thank you for the jerks, also, for treating me that bad. so i can finally see the good guy, clearly:)

writing is my passion. drawing is my hobby. and going abroad is my deepest wish. so let's working hard for them. bismillahirahmanirahim:)

bad dream, if i couldn't say it was nightmare.

i've trough the first block of this semester. and i could say i've got notsogood grades. i was hoping for getting 4 for my first GPA but..... it's kinda.... mm needs more than just a hardwork and prayer. should be a miracle there. i learnt too much out of the subjects i need to be good at. i was too excited and more proud. i wasn't smart enough to study. i studied hard but not so smart. but i should thank Allah for this. i've learnt SO MUCH trough these hard times:) yes, grades are big things.

now im gonna talking about... wearing hijab.

it's been a while since it's bombing lately. variety of hijabs are everywhere, remembering me that Indonesia is one of those moslem-majority country. i've been wearing hijab since i was about 4 but strictly wear that since i was 7. and never knew the value behind that until i was in high school.

my kinda-religious high school learnt me so many things.

hijab is not hijab unless it covered all the body parts that need to be covered plus chest.covering your hair is not only covering around the head but as wide to cover your chest-area also. hijab shouldn't let us showing out shape by using some kinda "shaping" tops or jeans. everything we wear should be loose and good. but it needs time, i appreciate people who try to wear hijab even it's not perfectly hijab but they've tried. i haven't wear the hijab perfectly good too..:)

but one thing, IT'S NOT the readiness or the clean and good heart we should have BEFORE we wear hijab. because that would never be a readiness, or a clean, good heart UNLESS we wear hijab itself. the hijab stops us doing something not appropriate. and it stops me doing MANY bad things... alhamdulillah:)

i'm trying my best to wear the most appropriate and good-looking hijab, but at times i failed. and i haven't been at my best in religious-stuff. but i wish i have more courage to do much more betterment on that. i love You, Allah.

i love how You give me scenes of life, let me cry but give me total laugh at the end. how You give me lessons of life in the way i can't even thought before. You give me freedom and peaceful at the same time. You give me the people i really need and the ones that make me happy the most. You're the center of my life. i hope i can do much more for You. i hope You will be closer to me, in me. Thank You, Allah:)

last night i spent the weekend with Dissa and Anna which was so fun and.. they're the ones that fit me perfectly. they're my bestest mate:)