all that matters

like Taylor Swift once said, breakups and other sad moments inspire us more to write music than the happy moments. so lacking of blogposts here means.... well.. not in that kind of happy; the state of having it-all, the wonderful things i've been wanting. no. but in state that im grateful of all of the things i have.

i hate how peer pressure us to have a certain relationship with certain person. like: "you're single? no, you kidding me". well, accept the fact im way tooo awesome to anybody. (heeee.. no. jk). im just like, i know the stories, a lot of that, about relationship. what's the purpose of that? to know people better? what for? im just losing any rational thoughts about Why We Should Date Anyone if There's No Such Thing as A Passionate Love. i've never loved a guy that much lately.

so i like to know people, mingle with others, befriend with both males and females. when I've got a guy cached my attention, I've got a goal right after: to know him better. but then when things go smooth and all, my goals are achieved and.. i really don't see the point of going out together almost every single day (or every single week) with the same person, talking about the (almost) same things all the time. you know, maybe it's me who cant take commitment seriously, or it's just me that haven't met the right guy whatsoever, but i do things with purpose, and spending my time to the one who expect me much and let me have such responsibility to take care of one's little fragile heart aren't my goals for now.

i'm not a hyped girl, then. for having no boyfie, posting no couple-y thingy, getting no romantic surprises and gift, but i am so much blessed for living in the same roof with my family and having my brother as my neighbor plus my sister in law and my niece. so if you asked me what i do in my spare time, i would answer: i'll hang out with my old mates (high school never ends, remember?) and just chill out with my family, either at home or at our favorite place. i was trying so hard, to fit in, to leave out the 'independent girl' thingy, just to be with a guy, have a great relationship like the others. even i really enjoyed the supportive things, the lovey dovey things, the caring stuffs, like no other best friends will give you. but... i'm more like a person that only will be the man i'm deeply in love with or being alone

my family is my treasure. they love me unconditionally, never expect anything in return, always treat me right, and never get mad at me if im being me, like all the time. they're my only love after Allah. they're always on my prayers after Shalat. they're the only ones i can talk to for hours and make me feel better. i would never replace these times when my family's bond gets tighter each day. i love you, guys. i really do.

it doesn't mean im not interested 'to be with the right guy'. im just not into a certain young-and-free relationship now but tooooo young to marry anyone.
so what are you up to now, Nin?
i'm now focusing on spending my time with my family, paying back all the love they've been given to me for the past (almost) 20 years and making a great history of myself. (Ehem)

maybe someday a guy would be walk in and make me realize how it doesn't work on anybody else, but before it happens to me, i'll still believe that the awesome-right-man is still exist and the only meaningful relationship in the whole universe is marriage; that's the only worthy relationship one should have. someday. amiin.

i keep thinking to post this or not. i mean i would look like a terrible mess with this kind of writing. but really, i stuck with this thoughts for a couple of days and i just need to write it out.

love and relationship are good. really. for anybody but me, now.

talking so much that my throat hurts

is the thing that i probably do when im with my best friends. best friends here means the ones i shouldnt explain myself nor how things get started. i just talk to them to continue my previous stories. my life. my sister's going outta town for a while. i obviously have no one to talk to. my campus life are super nice but i need to start my long story with 'it started when..' and i have no enough energy to do that.
i know people are busy, have many priorities. some people already have they living diaries, they may not need any other people to be talk to anymore, unlike me. so i start to accept that fact, adapt, and try to move on.
why dont you date a guy, then?
i only want to date a guy who i can talk with about many many many things. i havent found one. or even if i have found him, he's not into me. you know, that's how life rolls.

be always with me, dear Allah.

my kind of healthy life style

1. drink A LOT of mineral water
i drink at least 3 bottles of 600ml water. i use bottle instead of glass because it's easier to count and carry anywhere, literally. even when the ashes get into my house, my luvly water is secured.
(yea..)

2. have (minimum) 3x30 minutes of excercise
my top 3 exercises are: swimming, cycling and running. they're the easiest and the most fun ones. the only problem is that they're outside-exercise kind of thing, which i cannot do when the weather gets extreme or it gets rain. my indoor-exercise options are yoga class or zumba class. yoga class gives me kind of grrrrreat stretching feelings (i dont lie, it feels really gooooood!) but seems boring 'cause i've got to stuck on some poses. when i get bored, i do zumba 'cause it makes us move a lot and makes us sweating soooo much. i follow the instructors in the youtube and voila! i've done a simple and fun exercise:p

3. a glass of lemon water in the morning
please search 'the benefit of lemon water' and you'll get many, and may be surprised how it benefits us. really. it's the 'acid water but soon in the blood become and alkaline agent that makes.....' or it's 'the vitamin C that makes us...' etc.

4. regular fruits intake
fortunately my family and i are huge fan of fruits. my mom wont the table empty without fruits. i usually eat bananas, strawberry, papaya, watermelon. the easiest and probably consider as the cheapest that are sold in the local market. so easy so cheapy sooo healthy!

5. healthy regular meal in a day
including breakfast. my favorite one is whole-meal bread with eggs or any jam for breakfast. i'll eat a whole nutritious carbo+protein+veggies (if there's any hehe not a big fan of veggies:p). i rarely eat at night by the way (come home late, the food's already in refrigator, too lazy to bring it to microwave. well...)


i wanna be as healthy as i could be bcs i fully understand that healthy is a process and surely a long term investment that values SO much.

how to cope with the stress

i was on my lowest point, knowing that some of my goals didnt make it last year. it was depressing though to see that our new year resolution didnt really work. i thought i may not need any of it anymore. but well then i realized i still need goals to have a better directions on how i should live my life, or at least my 12 months life. so i made it. i didnt post it, i only wrote it in my diary (ehm), just because it gets more personal and im not ready to talk about it in public. but anyway, i have few tips on how to cope with the stress since i was reaaaaaalllllyyyy depressed and in a desperation of any help. wish it'll help!

how to cope with the stress

1. stop comparing yourself to others
this thing leads to unhealthy thoughts,obviously. we tend to compare things with the ones we adore; in positive way it makes us have a goal, when the ones we adore tend to be better than us, in most of the things. sometimes, we also see the great things in people we forget to see all the bad things in the 'backstage' that they hide, especially in social media era which people can share anything they want (probably only the good).
we are made original. we have different characters and abilities; we have our own capability and personal achievement, so stop comparing yourself.

2. remember the good things that you've got, be grateful!
sometimes we forget that we still have a lot of great things that people dont have. simply like a mother, a father, siblings, best friends, and all. or if you dont have any of it, you still have health, a few rupiah, food, pretty clothes, fancy bags, or even experiences. there must be some things that you have but others dont. something that you take for granted when the others want it badly. remember. there will be, obviously.

3. have personal goals
when we have certain goals personally, we will be soo focused that we forget the other things, including the stress thingie. dont stop until you got there. dont stop even you're tired. if you stop when you tired, you'll think about the hard works and not-getting-there-already thingies and it'll lead to stress. just doooo your best! and remember, personal goal means personal, it should never be about anyone else but you:)

4. get closer to the ones you believe and the ones that believe in you
getting closer to God helps me so much. like how i believe that Allah loves me much that He would never upset me with His plan with my life, and all. and getting closer to family also a HUGE help. they love me no matter what, believe in me fully even i failed for times. this brings us to a grateful feelings, brings back the love, and makes us stronger than before. really.

hope these little tips help! goodluck:)

imperfection

sometimes you just lose. it just happens. :)

"Berbuatlah, karena masing-masing akan diarahkan kepada tujuan penciptanya"

H.R. Ahmad

a series of failures in such a beautiful month

i'm a bit dramatic person, i over-think most of the things, so this might be one of those little stuff that i hyperbole: but i thought i got a series of failures in this early December. a little thing like how i failed on my toefl exams (my score got 30 points lower than what i got in the last 6 months.), and how i...

but wait.
am i the only one who feel upset, feel bad about myself, feel like less worthy each time i didnt succeed?
i think im not.

i mean... well let's say i think too much and i keep my negativity too tight; but i know im not the only one who feel this way. though i have an almost perfect life, there will always be something that i didn't feel grateful about. or in this case, there are few things that i dont feel grateful enough.

after i read few sectons on The Psychology Book, i always try to remembering myself that: everytime you feel bad or good, your memories about that emotion come to you. when you feel sad, you tend to remember the bad things and when you feel happy you tend to remember more about happy things.
then i thought, it might be only my memories, hallucinations, and actually i didnt fail much.

but i do fail on few things. bcs i thought i didnt deserve it in the first place, bcs i didnt work hard enough for it, bcs i didnt put my focus on it, and bcs God didnt let me to for His own reason that only God understands.
so i keep believing, i keep on having a faith: that someday life will turn into really beautiful 'till i cant speak any single word to describe. someday, life will be that pretty.

December lately

Back to December. the last month of the year. the month when we say "omg i dont believe this year has gone this fast" most frequently. the month when we try hard to remember what happened in a year, and wishing things in the next year. maybe it doesnt work on other people, but at least it works that way on me.

in 2013 i dated the guy that had been there since i was in my first year in college and had an on-off relationship through the year, i volunteered as a committee in some events as i joined some organizations back in 2012, i stayed with IFL even i said for times i wouldnt be with them for the next year, i resigned from AI Magz (and now considering to get back with that job:")), i read MANY books and bought them and let myself became poor....., i did exercise more regularly than ever, i went to such great gigs saw my favorite bands, i launched an online store with my best friend (even i never thought i was this brave to do that such a thing), i applied to many things that i had to make many motivation letters, i had done my first 3 chapters of my final paper (!!!!!), i became a part in my Lecturer's research as a part of my final paper and did soooo many research-y works, etc, etc, etc.

but other than that, there were also some changes in 2013. in 2013, i found out that it is completely better to be alone than to be the ones who make you feel bad about yourselves, i found out that being with the ones that really love you and support you and know you well gives the best feelings no word can describe, i found out that having best friends is such a luxury thing and it may break but real best friends know how to get back, i found out that family is such a diamond and im more than lucky for having them around, i found out that i aint as discipline and determined as i used to but im working on it, i found out that the first step will always be the hardest, i found out that being such positive person needs extra effort but it's surely worth it, i found out that our duty is to control ourselves and treat people right while how other people treat us is none of our business nor the thing we should consider, i found out that we will make mistakes and screw up and fuck up and disappoint people but we don't fail we just have to figure out how to fix them, i found out that i only need to apologize when i do wrong not when things go wrong, i found out that forgiving people is really really freeing and need extra work to remember that we may also make mistakes (see the previous sentence), and most of all, i found out that Allah's help is near. i found out that the One that will never leave me no matter what, the One that will love me and only will give me the best, is Allah.

2013 has been a great year but its glory will be continue yet get bigger in the next year. amen.
Thank You, Allah for your blessings. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.