like Taylor Swift once said, breakups and other sad moments inspire us more to write music than the happy moments. so lacking of blogposts here means.... well.. not in that kind of happy; the state of having it-all, the wonderful things i've been wanting. no. but in state that im grateful of all of the things i have.
i hate how peer pressure us to have a certain relationship with certain person. like: "you're single? no, you kidding me". well, accept the fact im way tooo awesome to anybody. (heeee.. no. jk). im just like, i know the stories, a lot of that, about relationship. what's the purpose of that? to know people better? what for? im just losing any rational thoughts about Why We Should Date Anyone if There's No Such Thing as A Passionate Love. i've never loved a guy that much lately.
so i like to know people, mingle with others, befriend with both males and females. when I've got a guy cached my attention, I've got a goal right after: to know him better. but then when things go smooth and all, my goals are achieved and.. i really don't see the point of going out together almost every single day (or every single week) with the same person, talking about the (almost) same things all the time. you know, maybe it's me who cant take commitment seriously, or it's just me that haven't met the right guy whatsoever, but i do things with purpose, and spending my time to the one who expect me much and let me have such responsibility to take care of one's little fragile heart aren't my goals for now.
i'm not a hyped girl, then. for having no boyfie, posting no couple-y thingy, getting no romantic surprises and gift, but i am so much blessed for living in the same roof with my family and having my brother as my neighbor plus my sister in law and my niece. so if you asked me what i do in my spare time, i would answer: i'll hang out with my old mates (high school never ends, remember?) and just chill out with my family, either at home or at our favorite place. i was trying so hard, to fit in, to leave out the 'independent girl' thingy, just to be with a guy, have a great relationship like the others. even i really enjoyed the supportive things, the lovey dovey things, the caring stuffs, like no other best friends will give you. but... i'm more like a person that only will be the man i'm deeply in love with or being alone
my family is my treasure. they love me unconditionally, never expect anything in return, always treat me right, and never get mad at me if im being me, like all the time. they're my only love after Allah. they're always on my prayers after Shalat. they're the only ones i can talk to for hours and make me feel better. i would never replace these times when my family's bond gets tighter each day. i love you, guys. i really do.
it doesn't mean im not interested 'to be with the right guy'. im just not into a certain young-and-free relationship now but tooooo young to marry anyone.
so what are you up to now, Nin?
i'm now focusing on spending my time with my family, paying back all the love they've been given to me for the past (almost) 20 years and making a great history of myself. (Ehem)
maybe someday a guy would be walk in and make me realize how it doesn't work on anybody else, but before it happens to me, i'll still believe that the awesome-right-man is still exist and the only meaningful relationship in the whole universe is marriage; that's the only worthy relationship one should have. someday. amiin.
i keep thinking to post this or not. i mean i would look like a terrible mess with this kind of writing. but really, i stuck with this thoughts for a couple of days and i just need to write it out.
love and relationship are good. really. for anybody but me, now.
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