random

"if you arent ready to give much, if the thoughts about yourself and your own business and your own future are still buzzing your mind, if you thought about that person less than you think about your other priority, if you still wanna catch things rather than keep that person in your life; you aint ready for relationship."

love means giving as much as we get, we get as much as we give 'cs giving means getting it too.

im just so much in love with people's story about their relationships :)

encouragement

firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA!!<3

we never really had an awesome surprise for her, so we decided to make something sweet that she would really happy about. we bough minnie mouse stuffs and made a little sweet party (inspired by Raisa's birthday blast) with pinkish theme and cakes and all in a french-themed caffee. and sit turned out really pretty and she really loved it. so happyyyyyyyy:)

sayangnya, besok ana masih ujian so she decided to gohome and study while the rest (me, ririe, sandy) went to Ririe's home. and after a basic plain convo like others best friends had after a party, we were tired and starved. but then after few weird convo, sandy said, like:

"kamu kenapa e nin?" ok, some parts were missing due to respect for all of those people (including me) lol.
"kenapa e? nggak papa kok."
"nggak biasanyakamu gini."
"wahahhaha"  ririe ketawa2 aja. actually that missing line was the key of all those things but... i dont feel like writing it here.

"you know, now all people are in relationships, whether it makes them happy or not, whether the relationship goes well or not and all. and i've never been good at it. like, every girls turn into beautiful creatures after they went to some beauty clinics or went to doctors. im not that kind of girls with lots of cash to burn at those things while i know it's temporary. and those girls can pick the one they like to be with. they have a lot of options. while me, i dont think i have, i get trapped in a school with alot of things to study,  a lot of things to do, it's like. gah.... you know.. i think im not good enough."

"really? it's only about beauty?"

"you're pretty, Nin. compared to xxx (my ex-crush's girlfriend), you're way prettier. but sometimes things get complicated. like how boys feel tiny about your study. medical student.. geez."

"and any others. but well, you're loved. look, how many guys you'd dumped so far?"

"they came from high school, please.."

"you just didnt see. *him and him*, they might like you at certain points but they just didnt date you."

"but that's the point! why they didnt wanna date me?"

"oh come on.... even there's any good reason, it would never be about your appereance. you're fine. ok?"

"you're way overthinking, nin.."

"that's why i need to be with you guys to keep my sanity..."

"and you're kinda complicated if it's about relationship. admit it."

"but well, a whole good looking person isn't all about the pretty face, Nin. we've talked about this. it's about confidence."

"yaps, we've discussed it. like, how a girl can wear anything she liked without looked like a joke because she's simply confidence with herself. it's true and you know it."

"yes, i know.."

"plus, the suggestion. like how you said that girl is reaaaaaalllyyy pretty? and we just believed it, as you said it for thousand times. but you know, turned out she's not that pretty. i asked my boyfie and he said like : she's not that pretty. she's ok, she's fine, but that's it. and now i see her, like my boyfie sees her. she's fine and good but not as ultimately pretty as you always said. sometimes, you should stop praising others and start to praise yourself. it works, you know."

*the original convo used Bahasa Indonesia and Boso Jowo.*

that kind of conversation that i might never replace with any other thing. i love them to the moon and back i dont lie. i love you guys, Sandy&Ririe.

i hate to always talk about this, but i was a girl with such a great confidence. until some people felt like out-shined by me, and started to bully me. and i thought i was never be good. i read about the perfect figure of a human and i tried my best to be that person. and now i still feel like im not good enough. im not pretty enough.
and my convo with them was a whole lot longer than that. now i've committed my self to believe myself more, to love the person in the mirror most. to stop being envious about anything in anyone. bismillah:)

then we saw hitam putih nadya hutagalung and dian sastro edition. that wassss reallyyyyyyyyy good i wanna cry:") their thoughts were so strong, and what they've talked about was all about being in peace. they worked hard, stay pretty (but both still felt like they aint pretty ?!), stay positive and tried to spread more positiveness all around. aaah...... im so much inspired, and even if it sounds cheesy, but i really reallllllyyyyy love themmmmmm eversince!
i love the positive attitude and mind, their goals, and how they make a better life for themselves and others. aaa:)


we three saw eatbulaga's videos (the supperrrrr funnyyyy ones!) and laughed real hard, had little gossips and shared some captured memories from the days we hadn't met. after almost-three weeks of not meeting them, that day was an awesome one. i had a real quality time with them. im so blessed to have best friends like them. :)
and we also talked about Ririe's leaving in next two months.

"you know, im also sad about that. i mean, im all excited, but at the same time i'm afraid, im sad to leave those i love here, including you guys. bet there i would be kind of lonely without you guys." Ririe said.

despite of her new life in college, her busy schedule, her heavy assignments, i appreciate how she tried to always make time for us. i'm really really really gonna miss her..................................



and i just realized that im like the other girls. i have doubts and insecurities, but i also have the sisterhood that strengthens me and helps me to grow better.

alhamdulillah, Thank You, Allah for all of these blessings. alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. :)

cheerish the moment!

*just done reading The Magic, worth to read!:)*

5 things about 10th June 2013

my new favorite place that i visited last week !  with such a sweet interior :)

1. i only have one class (two hours) but i brought a huge bag instead. i prepared to swim after class but then i have a sudden meeting. which is such a dissapointing.. cs i miss swimming real bad! then im the only one attendant from my division. ok.
2. i have so many todolist im starting to be confused. i took many many many responsibilities in the second year, but i wanna be great in all. i mean it's not about me. it's about the responsibility that's tied to my name. i dont have a plan to ruin my own reputation if i have any. i started to miss my old lazy days.
3. im stressedout about academics. im starting to make a whole clearer plan about my academics and i have somuchtodolist also to make it true. and God, i have somanytodolist also from my works and volunteering and others so yeah... plus i need to hang with some friends also once in a while.
4. i have a huge admiration for those who can keep their relationship balance with a good harmony for such a long time. ok this explains much.
5. im a todolist junkie i forgot how much i wrote about it.

but anyway, im so much thankful for the days i have today, and yesterday, and the last few days, few weeks, few months, even maybe for tomorrow. i mean, the healthy body, the salary, the knowledge, the inspiration, the people,all the things are just beautifully complete me. i'm in a happy state now:)
been jogging and running for min. 3x per week with an app for android (myrunmap, nike+, etc) so i keep motivated and i can see the summary of my work out. plus now im doing yoga once a week in campus, again! well, these habits makes me really careful about what i eat 'cs the work outs i do wont help if i didnt balance with my healthy diet. let's shape a better, healthier generation!:)
have a nice day!

movement

youth need a space to move around. to just blindly move or to move, make a fraction and be a bomb. we just can't stay in a freezing position, it's just how nature makes us.

pengalaman beberapa minggu belakagan ini, jogja lagi suka-sukanya bikin event. nggak keitung lagi berapa event musik dari tiap univ, tiap fakultas.. belum lagi acara donor darah, seminar public speaking, seminar ttg tenaga kerja, seminar kewirausahaan dan lain sebagainya. tema nya mirip-miri, cuma beda venue dan pembicara aja mungkin.

sekarang orang atau organisasi sering mengindikasikan ke-eksisan dengan bikin acara. padahal bikin acara nggak mudah, uang belum tentu memadai tanpa persiapan yg baik, dan juga schedule yg padat dan saling bertabrakan antar event. padahal, emang iya, acara itu cuma buat eksis-eksisan doang? emang iya eksis cuma dengan bikin acara?

kalo mau membuktikan ke-eksistensian sebuah organisasi atau pribadi, coba dilihat tujuannya. apa iya tujuan organisasi/pribadi bisa dicapai hanya dengan bikin event? bikin orang-orang informed juga perlu lho, dengan menulis atau bikin poster contohnya. apa iya eksis cuma dengan bikin event-event berbayar di berbagai tempat untuk pemuda? gimana kalo langsung ke tujuannya aja, misala nak jalanan atau anak panti dan sebagainya?

kebetulan, di IFL ada divisi khusus untuk bikin project (event). senengnya, sasaran kami variatif banget, nggak cuma anak muda, acaranya nggak cuma gitu-gitu aja, dan ada purpose spesifik dibelakangnya. jadi acaranya nggak 'berkompetisi' dengan acara-acara yang ramai digalakan berbagai organisasi/kampus/pribadi seperti yang sekarang ada.

percaya deh, kalo kita bikin project apapun, entah bikin event, bikin tulisan di media, atau apappun, kalo ada purpose atau passion yang jelas dan spesifik, pasti projectnya jadi beda dan lebih bermanfaat:D

enjoying weekend

this is one of the good weekends i rarely had lately. this weekend i worked, i met my highschool friends, i studied, i tidy up my room, i made my dream board, collected good articles, read books, and all. those in 2 days. finally my weekend is made for me :)

after those hectic weekends ended, now i can finally have my time for myself. to think about my own self:what i really like, what i dont really like, what i wanna be, what i wanna fight for, what i wanna achieve, and all. it's not that it's a complex process of thinking, but i just have a clearer mind with more spare time. i even did yoga after thoseeee time i missed the schedule! im so much happy. really:)

those organizational thingies are enough. i met the ones i never known before. i've experienced the things i wanted to taste. and they're not my favorite:) i dont really fight for what i really want nor what i believe, and that doesnt add my happiness rate. i think i've got enough.

now that i know better what i really want, i'm ready to walk a bit more, run a little faster, to get it all in time.
bismillah, i know Allah will always be with me:)

being happy

as i learnt through some lectures, i believe that we can never leave genes as a part of our daily habit. even a very little tiny molecular things that run in our body moves because of the genes. but as TIME said, it's not always about genes. there's called epigenetic that changes as we live, influenced by the environment. the environment here means the ecology, the humans, and all the things that we've been through.

sound like such a denial, but i believe that i may have this gene; to think negatively so easy. it makes me get panic, mad, and judge people easily. it's not that i blame my family to bring out this genes, it's just something that i embrace. a little thing like a missing pen makes my heartbeat goes faster. it's something i cant do something about. it's autonomic nerve system that follows the body, not my own will. what could i do about it? 

change my thoughts. breath in, breath out. 

as i embrace this, i try to take more control on my emotion. i read book about how to be happy but then after i read Brain Works, i realized: it's likely that the thoughts we have in mind comes from the memory we had. so i tried to fill my brain as much positive things as possible. that's captured as positive thoughts and i hope the output will be positive also.

and today, i met my best friends in such a coincidence, all the three! we went to a really cute place, and talked a bit. even we had to go through the crazy traffic jam during holiday and the heavy rain, but it was all worth it. im so much happy to have 'em. :)

and today i cleaned up my messy room from all of the corners. i tidied up my clothes, my books, my desk, and all. feel so much refreshed and productive. this is what i've wanted to do for such a long time but never had enough time to do it all:")

also had read BrainWorks in the morning. had finished 2/3 section! yay! this is such a great thing for me since i was so reluctant to finish even a book, and this is an english one, with not-so simle way of writings. i loveeeee this book! i love how this book reveal the way we live in such a scientific way. i love brain!!!

alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. alhamdulillah. all my wishes came true today. tripled happiness!

take a gap year

"And for years, we've seen these students complete their gap years and return to college more focused, mature, and ready to learn. Now, new research is beginning to corroborate our observations -- by showing that students who take gap years outperform their peers throughout college."
"In a study of students at Middlebury College in Vermont, Robert Clagett -- a former dean of admissions at the school -- found that gap year participants graduated with higher GPAs than those of their peers."

"Most [incoming college] students, in my experience, don't really know what they're passionate about," Knight said. "And if you don't know what you want, then getting it becomes that much more difficult."

"Even elite universities like Harvard, Princeton, and the University of North Carolina are encouraging students to consider taking a year off before matriculation. Princeton's Bridge Year Program, for example, annually awards tens of scholarships to incoming freshmen to fund gap-year programs in Brazil, China, India, Peru, and Senegal."


"Without the gap year, I wouldn't have had the experience of knowing that it's okay to start something without knowing what you're doing," Michael told me. "I'm not sure what kinds of friends I'll have in college, or what kinds of groups I'll be a part of. But I'm ready to take more leaps."

because you know, they may have wandered around, experienced real strange things outta there, learn to face the real life or just have seen much, and now they're ready to sit still, listen to the lecture.

while me, here, barely listening to those doctors with my mind wanders around.