look back and write

i've been not writing like... for ages. haha. not. it's just few weeks from my last blog post. i wanna write SO MUCH here but im afraid i might forget half or even most of them.

academic things went rough but i have to thank God for the great scores i've got. i had wished for that, but i couldn't imagine that after i met the war i should win. now left 1.3's score. please pray for me....:) i really studied hard. not hard enough to get the beyond-imagination-scores, but enough to save me from academic problems. alhamdulillah:)

as the days have passed, i was just thinking about anything; the career, the family, the love life, the friendship, and all. i wanna have a close relationship with elderly patients in hospital. i wanna hear what they feel, what's their biggest wish, i wanna help them to be simply happy. i know, doctors are trained to help God to heal, cure the pain, not to be a happiness maker. but that's my dream. that's what brought me here. so it thought i wanna be an internist, or taking hospital management for bachelor. but if i take one of those, that means i have to work hard in hospital. and what about my family? ok, wait... can i pick a perfect guy to be a husband, first? im not sure with my instinct any longer, i have no intention to feel hurt and to taste being close to anyone 'cause it brings the weakest version of me. i even can give up on anything to get what i really love.. or who i really love.
im not sure on my feelings, so i keep my heart and brain to academic things.. beside it's way easier to control, it makes me look stronger than what feelings had done to me. 
then i watched durable love by Joko Anwar. a short movie, comedy-romantic one. on that movie, the girl said: dunia itu huge, dan cara terbaik nikmatinnya adalah sebagai single. gimana nggak menyenangkan, gue bisa pay attention ke hal-hal yang gue demenin, dan gue bisa ngatur hidup gue dengan cara yang gue mau. then i wanna scream: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO MEEE!!!!! yeaaah i got my fckin team!!! single team!!!! and as i watched that movie... my perspective went away somewhere far. i miss romance. i miss how i can be stupid and do stupid things for the one i love. and for the past 2 years i might be close with a certain guy, but then i realized it wasn't real love. it's a feeling i give to the person i care because he was nice. it was like paying back all the good stuffs he had done to me. but when he went away, i didn't feel hurt even a sec. then i knew, i wasted my time:) that line on the movie kicked me again: dunia itu huge, aku nggak bisa ngabisin sendiri, makanya, aku pingin bagi sama kamu. Yaps,  i really wanna share the world with the one i love, with the one who loves me, and deserves me as well. so far that award goes to my closest friends and family.. and i wish for a good guy coming in a good timing so we can make a good connection though:)

first semester of uni life had passed. i barely believe it. i mean, it was like the moment i'd graduated, studied so hard to get into any medical school... and now i'm living my dreams with my friends and theirs too. so many things had changed. my mates had finally know where  they wanna go. they change into the persons they wanna be. should be happy for them, even some changes are the things i might dislike. and that day i met my male-best-friend; i just found out that he turns out to be more mature than before, he thought about the world around him as much as i did, or even much more. i'm kinda proud of him, of who he's become. never expect or thought he had grown up that much. ok, i might looked like so surprised but i really was. and he's the longest male-best-friend i have, the closest too!!! yeaaaah, forever friend, dude!!:D
it's amazing how 17 years old changes people, and as the ages added, they change into a new person. these years, these months, these times, might be bloody hard but as diamond, we might spark the shine in the end:)

i love how holiday gives me good days. i swim a lot, buy some cooking books and piano tutorial books, i drove the car around the city (yeah finally!!) and all. i miss watching movie and still haven;t been able to rent or copied any movie..:( but fortunately i had watched a sweet movie, "One Day" on xxi. REALLLLY SWEEET!!! i even cried during the movie. i enjoyed that movie so much and i wish people watch it.. because it's simply beautiful movie!:)
and it's fun to have good times with family. i had a fun date with my dad to Jakarta, visited his colleague there. not much to do there, since we weren't planning to have a  vacation there, but there are conversations that we might missed here in home. then my dad said: we should have vacation more often. *puppy eyed* YESS DADDY, YESS!! that might mean that he enjoyed the time with me:) i love you dad!<3 had more time in home and not just get in my bedroom, study; i finally can come out and talking with all families without worry about study things. i get my self more relaxed and i fucking need more time to relax my self more.... i dont lie but i've never sleep well after get into college. i always thoguth about tomorrow's test and all. screw you medschool.... lucky you that i love you that much so i wont ever give up on you!!! *now kiss!*

and today i had spent my day with my crazy high school mates! we went to watch a movie, then had lunch, then went to irene's home. everything seems normal until at 5 pm someone asked us to go to Parangtritis. and i dont know where sanity went away from our heads but we all agreed.... it took an hour to get there, so the sun had gone away, it was all dark. we were afraid because there was no lighting so we decided to go back. yeps, only 5 minutes standing there, see nothing... only took some pictures and updated statuses. then get back home at 8 pm. hell yeah but we're happy!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't know how to write insanity and craziness over the words but today might be the most amazing day in 2012 with Teladan11... or i just say it.. #irenizers? lolssss!!! i love you guyssssssssssss!!<3

still, working on deadline of ai magz, cheering and volunteering with IFL and all. i love my job and my social things. i also love my friends and family. so sad that havent been able to watch movie and read books. soon promise you... soon!


now almost 3 am so.... let's go sleep! thanks for reading such a long story..*Smooch*

med student video

this is (so far) the best video about medical students in youtube.com. do you have any better? lemme know it:)

learn to manage my time

as i had written before, now i work for two jobs; online marketing and writer for @ai_magz (you can check them out on www.abankirenk.com :) ). it's like my college life hasn't taken up much time; well, it sucks my time, actually. but working... having my own sallary.. is just fascinating. and writing articles... gosh i've been dreaming to do this! so that's no way im not doing this:) plus as a public relation on IFL, we have to make a project or contribute something (can't write it here now), so yes, IFL is another thing to manage.

well, like others said, so much to study on medschool... i don't lie. i haven't done writing a report, etc. that's why i decided to not take any single organization here in campus (which now i actually regret but.. well have reasons to not do that anw. no need to regret anymore). so i was at the time when i felt like i mess up with the time.... i had SO MUCH spare time but i DIDN'T use it wisely. so at the end of the day, i ended up over-think about the day i wasted.

and after a long period of thinking ... (not literally), now i've found some shortcuts to make my days well-spent:

1. learn how to manage the time. i am still learning, and i believe that so many people outta there, probably those managers, also still learning the art of time-managing. i suggest you to buy some books about it, what i bought was "18 Minutes" by Peter Bregman. sadly i haven't found managing-time books whose author Indonesians. do you have any recommendation?
2. make goals. goals are the things you wanna achieve. make a clear about when it should be achieve. make it in details, in the most reachable to the least ones. with a SMART methods, you'll get it easier:)
3. to-do-list. it's a simple list about goals of the day. what you should do in a day. make it specific. what time it should be done. set the priority, does t really important? make it reachable also. you won't be able to re-write a 1000 paged book in a day, right?
4. stick to it, stay motivated. remember the whole goals you've set, remember what takes you here before. you should never stop. sky's the limit. believe you can do ANYTHING as long as you want it so bad that you work really hard. pray. God will always keep you motivated:)


actually i wanna write them all in super details but.. i'm not sure i'm mastering it yet. so if you wanna read the whole details about them, check mindtools.com out.i learned SO MUCH from that site. and i know how we (girls) love to keep neat, organized, and still cute! go to http://www.youtube.com/user/ailyxxxfashion and you wont regret it even a bit!:)



ok this is random but i wanna show you a really funny video about which is made by some med students. reallyyyyy true and i cant stop laughing during this video and yelling :THIS IS SOOOO TRUEEE!!!!!



have a good saturday night!

adoring in a very fine meaning

Now playing: Daydreaming - Adele

he's my favorite type of guy. he fulfills 75% of my what-i-could-say-criteria. i kinda like him but he doesnt know me. at all. i'm 3 years away from him, i'm at medschool and he's engineering school. we hardly know each other, so i let my hopes away. but that's not the point.

he opens my mind about the world. the more i seek info about him, the more i know how passionately he chases his passion, in the middle of ovey-dovey people. he knows what he wants and how to get that. if it's not enough, he's running, chasing his dream; not only by talk, but by a real action. then i think about myself, how about you Nin? you always said you wanna be a part of global world, of a change, but what did you do? nothing.

and i tried to do some research on my dreams trough web & do blog walking trough inspiring blog. well, now i finally found my passion for once more and..... finally meet the courage to chase it, even it just little by little.

bismillah, i said in a whisper. please, Allah, bless me in every way. thank You SO MUCH for these lessons, for waking me up, for ringing the bell so i get up earlier and start to do what i've gotta do. thankYou Allah:)

and i still have the admiration for that guy. and hopefully i can finally get to know him :)

the last post of 2011

is this really the end, dear 2011? 'cause it's like only a blink of eye. remembering 2011 so far.... is like remembering.... nothing? i've been busy doing things, running, changing, working hard, to get the dream i've been dreaming. until now, these days, i'm still busy to chase almost everything. "you cant be as young as you are today". so i wanna spend it more on exploring my self. who am i?

and i have nooooo idea about 2012 resolution. i mean.. i've been having new year resolution for years and now i have no days off and i cant think much of things but few academic stuffs. i miss high school, for its ups and downs, dramas, naive-dreams, and all. but you know, life's keep going no matter what. so i'll try to cheerish every moment knowing that i cant bring the exact past into present.

let's say. this year, i've found stronger faith in Allah. Allah gives me all i need, He's my all. He gives me the lesson of life in a very unexpected but beautiful way. i love it how i can find reason beyond everything. i also found that... jerks are around and i let them around because i had lack of confidence... well i still have. i thought if anything bad happens, it must be me. all the time, while it's not. feelings aren't as simple as one person's fault or bunch of people's faults. it's way more complicated than that so i decided to stay away from that kinda things awhile... :) this year i also have revealed the real friends o mine. some are just nice, some just really complete myself. some are kinda fake and some are just so true that i can be true to myself too when im with them. getting into medschool, my favorite medschool, is also the biggest thing that's happened this year. it's been a good days with those other medstudents.. medschool is really really good. i love it here, really, finally. i found some nice college mates and thhey're enough for now. this year i also turn to be 17. what an age.. people said. but i have 18-19 years old friends, most, so i dont feel like a 17 years old girl. now age doesnt matter anymore, i mean seventeen years old doesnt mean anything for now. not having some kinda miracles or sparkling dust all over my body... everything stays the same except myself. i know im changing, and i know who i wanna be, but you know, as einstein said: there's a relativity. i know i'm changing into someone i want, but i may less notice it. maybe i've been turning into monster or somehting i dont really know, and dont really think, also. all i know is im trying my best to make my life as good as it could be.

and now i really wanna thank Allah for the bless this year. this could be the year of awakening, maturity process, re-build my self. thank You, Allah, for letting me be this self. thank You for the lessons, the mistakes, the achievement. thank You...:) i would never thank You enough for the life You're giving to me:)

thankyou family, friends, and all. thank you....:) this year has been really good... with its ups and downs, i stilll can enjoy 2011. the year of total hard work, if i could name this year. thank you!!

now designing the next year. here some new year resolution of mine:

1. get closer to Allah, fix myself as a religious person-should be:)

2. have a really strong bond with family

3. have straight A for every block, smarter and more dilligent and discipline.

4. can drive a car

5. can cook few meals

6. be a vegan!

7. get 5000.000 rupiahs from sallary savings

8. have a good time menegement

9. inspire MANY people:)

10. get my confidence back with less egoistic side.

11. have a healthy life style; good diets, regular exercise, drink more mineral water.

over all i only wanna be the better version of me in every possible way. amin:)

but generally, i just wanna be the whole ability a woman ever need. in the first 3 months i wanna learn to drive safely, and the next 3 months i wanna learn to cook, and the next 3 months maybe learn about some arts, and the last 3 months? evaluating or doing any thing:)

now what's yours? happy new year people! thankyou!!

family vacay

desember. my favorite month

i have plenty of ideas about what to write here. i miss blogging. digging back to the past moments i've tasted, felt again, and be strong again. i miss reading about the days i've passed. if you read my post since the very first time im here, you'll see how much i grow up. from the noisy and emotional girl turn into a person with more thoughts and fake smile but still, happy inside with bittersweet past and great friends.

i always adore how Allah gives me scenes of life. i always surprised of the His new directions. i always find lesson and reason beyond every mistakes, every ups and downs. i always wondering; who's the best guy on earth that He'll give to me. who'll i end up to be. what will my life would turn out in the end.

i really want a smart guy. a smart guy who knows about life, who passionately chase his degree on college, who really loves me, who passionately curious about life, the guys who can be a religiously living the life without being looked like so freak, he should be relax more than me, optimistic and positive thinker, he should be a very boyish and manly one, he should love soccer, a bit stubborn, but very gentle and caring, he should be thinking about future much and me inside that, he should be a man with big imagination about the globalization future and how he's living that way, he must understand how i adore john mayer and Sore, it's better if he loves indie and easy listening music too, would be nice if he can play basketball and guitar, he should be love reading and spending time on travelling and watching good movie. i want a family guy, who love his family and he should be independent, not spend much cash on something unnecessary, should not be tweeting much (i know), and we should meet on the right time at the right place in the right situation.
fuck. im crazy writing about this. but at least i know what i want and i dont wanna have any relationship unless it would be with that guy or.... i dont think it will last long.


i've been doing a new job, which is good. and what about your study? i almost forget im on medschool at this very moment. im listening to john mayer, looking at good pictures on website, writing a bit craps of my days, looking at the timeline in twitter, seeing how much people wine and moan this days. i havent been prepariing for the study-case tomorrow. i havent been writing work plan, or any of that. i just wanna lay in bed, doing nothing but writing, listening music, and doing all my favorite things i havent been done lately. i need more me-time. i really need that. or just those successful people have it less?

well, i actually never had a free weekend, each weekend, i need to go out, meet somebody else, and all. at some point, i was happy. but then i felt like i lost some kind of inner joy. i have time with my self less. i have time to think about my self less. i need to do some betterment but it wont happen unless i think about it and have my self loose. as i am doing now.




here comes again december. the month when i love to reflex back into the days before, the months before. yes, i need the change in my life. i need to re-state what i should become. im kinda lost nowadays. one thing i should be clear on: my number one priority is study. i should get the straight A for all classes, for all blocks, for all semester, till the end of my academic year. untill i get clinic rotation, i should get the best score for all. please Nin, please Allah, please... please let it be.
you should work harder Nin, Study harder Nin... get your sleeping time less, please read more, please pay much attention more, please be focus more, please please please....
and please dearest Allah, dont let me alone without Your guidance, please be close to me, please grant all my wishes, shape me into someone beautiful inside and out, let me have the inner peace to control any destructive things from outside.


and December... please be good:)