i have plenty of ideas about what to write here. i miss blogging. digging back to the past moments i've tasted, felt again, and be strong again. i miss reading about the days i've passed. if you read my post since the very first time im here, you'll see how much i grow up. from the noisy and emotional girl turn into a person with more thoughts and fake smile but still, happy inside with bittersweet past and great friends.
i always adore how Allah gives me scenes of life. i always surprised of the His new directions. i always find lesson and reason beyond every mistakes, every ups and downs. i always wondering; who's the best guy on earth that He'll give to me. who'll i end up to be. what will my life would turn out in the end.
i really want a smart guy. a smart guy who knows about life, who passionately chase his degree on college, who really loves me, who passionately curious about life, the guys who can be a religiously living the life without being looked like so freak, he should be relax more than me, optimistic and positive thinker, he should be a very boyish and manly one, he should love soccer, a bit stubborn, but very gentle and caring, he should be thinking about future much and me inside that, he should be a man with big imagination about the globalization future and how he's living that way, he must understand how i adore john mayer and Sore, it's better if he loves indie and easy listening music too, would be nice if he can play basketball and guitar, he should be love reading and spending time on travelling and watching good movie. i want a family guy, who love his family and he should be independent, not spend much cash on something unnecessary, should not be tweeting much (i know), and we should meet on the right time at the right place in the right situation.
fuck. im crazy writing about this. but at least i know what i want and i dont wanna have any relationship unless it would be with that guy or.... i dont think it will last long.
i've been doing a new job, which is good. and what about your study? i almost forget im on medschool at this very moment. im listening to john mayer, looking at good pictures on website, writing a bit craps of my days, looking at the timeline in twitter, seeing how much people wine and moan this days. i havent been prepariing for the study-case tomorrow. i havent been writing work plan, or any of that. i just wanna lay in bed, doing nothing but writing, listening music, and doing all my favorite things i havent been done lately. i need more me-time. i really need that. or just those successful people have it less?
well, i actually never had a free weekend, each weekend, i need to go out, meet somebody else, and all. at some point, i was happy. but then i felt like i lost some kind of inner joy. i have time with my self less. i have time to think about my self less. i need to do some betterment but it wont happen unless i think about it and have my self loose. as i am doing now.
here comes again december. the month when i love to reflex back into the days before, the months before. yes, i need the change in my life. i need to re-state what i should become. im kinda lost nowadays. one thing i should be clear on: my number one priority is study. i should get the straight A for all classes, for all blocks, for all semester, till the end of my academic year. untill i get clinic rotation, i should get the best score for all. please Nin, please Allah, please... please let it be.
you should work harder Nin, Study harder Nin... get your sleeping time less, please read more, please pay much attention more, please be focus more, please please please....
and please dearest Allah, dont let me alone without Your guidance, please be close to me, please grant all my wishes, shape me into someone beautiful inside and out, let me have the inner peace to control any destructive things from outside.
and December... please be good:)
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