plot-twist in 2014

it's almost a half of the year and i've been trough the ups and downs i've never gotten in the past. i am fully thankful to Allah who gave me this kind of thrills that i never expected before. but to be truth, living day by day, wondering, praying, enjoying and also being surprised of what's coming isn't that easy, and that's what makes my life seems wonderful.

family: there was a point in early 2014 that i thought, my family was perfect. perfect as individuals and as a whole. but then turned out i saw the flaws both in the persons and the connections between us. it wasnt easy to finally realize that it's pretty much normal to have family with a lot of flaws, though there's nothing perfect in the whole world. and i finally realized, that in the imperfections of themselves, in their struggling to make a good family, they will always be my best support system. ever.

friends: years ago, i was in the lowest point of what-so-called friendship. i lost my faith on that, i hate those things, and all. but slowly, it's all gone by the comings of my best friends in high school. did they try to change me? not explicitly. i was just feel loved that i felt like i have a strength to fix myself. then i finally could believe in other human. but the things got little messy in the end of 2013, which made me a bit shattered. so in the early 2014 i was about to lose all the connections with friends. i was so arrogant that i thought i could live alone. but the fact was, i was really miserable living that life. then that was the time i once talked to my best friend, said anything i held back, and felt relieved. that was the time i finally realized that, the real best friend is one of the God's biggest blessings in life. the one that i should take care of.

love: i was sooo focused on myself and others that i thought i had least care on the lovey dovey thingies, until my life broke all in once, in the not-so-early 2014. then that was the guy who had always been there, the one that no matter how ugly i treated him, he still stayed. and i realized that he may the only guy who could do that. who could be nice and all without me being insecure of his existence. then after a lot of disconnections, i tried, again. and soon after i took that decision, i felt the same, old, disconnection i always had with him. it's not something about him, nor something about me (as i always questioning this to Sandy: why i always failed in a realtionship?). it was something between us that is just not connected. im such an idealistic. however how stupid it sounds, i believe there would be someone who i could bear with no matter what, just because i feel connected. some poet may call it chemistry. so i thought, i should let him know and try to let go, let go of himself, let go of the future image of us being happy, someday (cs i thought we both would eventually change and be connected). then i felt a bit frustrated of failing again. and since i dont know when, someone comes along. :)

academic, career, future: i've always had solid image in my mind about the future me. not until i talked about this with a person few days ago, not until i saw a tedx video, that i realized, that the thing we imagined now about 5 years or 10 years later may be not relevant with the future 'now' anymore. that the ability to imagine the future is the prove of human's lacking of imagination, bcs we may fail to imagine the real us in the next 10 years, said the tedx video. this year, is the year i felt really energized, and hopeless, and full of visions, and failed, and all. i was feel like i was so helpless... this semester i finally realized that im no longer holding cumlaude gpa and how hard it is to raise it. this broke all my future-self imagination. i had the spirit, then i failed, i burnt out. i felt like i've done all the things i could do but still, the result wasnt as good as i wanted. but then i prayed, a lot. i read the positive essays/articles of struggling and getting back from failing, and all. not too much, but i try the best to surround myself wih the hard work environment. even it's only zero poin something, i finally got my gpa raised. it's a bit enlightening for me. and about my undergraduate thesis, i was being promised to have the proposal seminar in the early feb, then it was held on until april/mei, then it was cancelled 6 hours before we presented. i almost cried. i'd done 2 revisions by that date, and i was so prepared. i was really dissapointed, until i finally presented my proposal in Mei and i felt like one of the huge rocks on my back was gone. and then i saw my friends one by one did the final thesis seminar. 

it's like this academic/school thingies is a long marathon i should win every lap. (should I, really?) :)

i feel really blessed to survived all the ups and downs, being helped by the family and friends over here, and being calmed down by the prayers i sent or by the way they're sent back to me. :)

the gateways

alhamdulillah. for the happy days.for the super good days. i cant be more thankful enough. thank You Allah. thank You. thank You.

and why it's entitled with the word gateways instead of holiday? because it's not a long week of days off, it's just 2 days or 3 but as fun as holiday, yet SO much refreshing.
and i feel awkward writing in English since i posted most of my recent blog post with Bahasa Indonesia.:p


i'm writing this while listen to 8tracks.com. my favorite website since last year which i found from randomly googled: easy listening playlist. it really gives me thousands of great playlist so i don't need to download or pick some good songs to accompany me during my work with my laptop.


these past weekends i had passed were amazing. i really wanted to blog it every Sunday night, but i don't lie i was so much occupied by tasks and works. and it's not that today i am not, but i really have to write these all before my head explodes.

the first weekend of these long great weekends was when i went to some cool cafes in Bantul as i've written. the second was when i went to few museums with Sandy and Anna. the third was the trip to Lampung. 

on my flight to lampung:)

then the fourth was Anna's Birthday, i guess... ok stop, havent i told ya about Anna's birthday?:)


so that was the Anna's Birthday. we four were kinda busy that day, i forget the details but none of us were free during the day until the night. so we decided to go to her home in the noon. we prepared all in a week (or two?) and everyone took part in it! that was on exam week, anw. yesss! we prepared during the exam week (ok i wasnt on exam week:|) and the day was coming. we went to Anna's home but she wasnt there at first, after about an hour we waited, Dissa drove her car to the city zoo. we closed Anna's eyes and gave some "accessories" which made her a center of attention at that zoo. not so long there, we went to Pasar Kangen. that was one of my favorite part of being jogjakartans, the cultural event. many  cultural event's regularly made, and mostly they're really awesome, including this Pasar Kangen. happy birthday Anna! not much like a bombastic surprise but hope you liked it:)

then.... me and Ririe and Sandy had almost-24 hours girls time:--)
that was totally accidental stuff. i just tweeted that i wanna cook, and sandy was-and is- my cooking mate, but Sandy and I didn't have the equipment so we decided to do that in ririe's home, plus Ririe loves cooking too! so theen we cooked some dishes with chocolate mousse as the dessert :D i don't lie it's really delicious!:)  though we only searched the recipe on youtube and some websites!

yay! jadi satu makanan:D

then we just thought: why don't wee sleep over here?

then it was. i accompanied Sandy to do some businesses and she accompanied me to go home brought some make-ups. then there was a total girls night out (out? we're so much homey people, should be changed to girls in, then?). we searched the youtube about make up tutorial, listened to mainstream music, acted like what Mtv movies told us during the early 2000. we really enjoyed the night... so much:) we told stories, gossiped, told secret; total girls things. i was so much recharged:)

crzy webcam after hours of make-up-ing :p

then the next day, Sunday, Rini asked me to 'nobar' final football match. well, it was gonna on 2 am in the early morning, and i didn't think i could make it. so asked her (and the boys) to nobar at my home. and yes, they did. we did nobar at my house!! for the very first time i saw a complete football match, proud much:D sadly our favorite team, Italy, didn't make it as the winner:( but that didn't minus the happiness i've got:) we talked so much, with bary, reza, and we laughed so muchhhhh!!!!  not stop at that, in the morning Rini asked me to go to my campus with me. i was on discussion class and she walked around my campus:-) in short, we really had good 24 hours... thank you my power ranger:)


then mom's birthday. igave her a bouquet of flower and a parfume. it took the whole salary i've got that month, but it's all worth it. my mom really loved it and she texted (whe was already in Jkt) me with the words which made me cry so much, the tears of happiness. i love you mum, glad to see you happy!:)


then the last weekend..i went to jakarta. that was quite a long story. at first i wanna use train, alone. and my daddy use plane on the next day. but daddy didn't allow me to do so, then we both changed our tickets into two tickets of airplane. how sweet he was:) then we slept in Thamrin Residence. i wanted to attend IYC, thought it would be easy for me to get to Thamrin Nine, then. but until the morning, none of us (with daddys' friend) knew Thamrin Nine Ballroom. it's the ballrooms' name, not the bulding name. with little research on twitter, we drove to UOB plaza which only took 5 minutes or even less from the apartment. and it's right, it was the place. i was so much earlier:)

well, even i missed the Saman Performance, i really think that IYC was so much worth it. really.
the really professional people behind it, the speaker, the place.... im SO much inspired! i love seeing really hard working comittee and all. i love the experience, the environment, the air of change. IYC, we decide!
not just the conference, but also the music performances, was really amazing!! i jumped into the crowd with sandy and rini. we sang all the song we knew, we shook our bodies as no one could see. that was totally fun!!
and until this very moment, i still feel the huge thing IYC brought. the inspiration, the passion, the determination and all. it was a great experience. i'm so much thankful that i could join that event, i don't lie and not hyperbole also, but it was such a great event. i met great persons there and listened to wonderful stories. in the morning i still felt the spark that IYC shared the previous day. it has massive influence, not only for me but i thought for most of the attendances there:)

hivi! 

raisa;---)

cant you see how nervous we were? he's too cute! ezra from hivi!:""

i wish i could attend IYC again, next year:)

then the Sunday, my closest cousins' wedding! that was sooo prettyyyy and i loved it so much! the flowery decoration, delicious food, and everything! told you, she's the cumlaude, the youngest and highest GPA in the whole batch of.. chemical engineering ITB. how cool she is:) and she married the man she used to hate:p so much like ftv but it's real version. his husband also the cumlaude and super smart guy. what a perfect couple:) wish you have happy days in Australia, then! (they both got scholarship in australia... yeah, perfect days are exist!)

on the wedding:)

my favorite corner :"

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anyway...

well, for the ones that said im so much into prince charming, please, recognize my last 3-years-highschool-crush, and tell me that he's a prince charming, do you dare?:)
and to the ones that told me im a super childish. please, look at what ive been doing and what ive done. im working and join a NGO while half of you may dont know what's NGO. so much childish, eh?
PLEASE THINK TWICE:) it really disturbs me, judges!

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have a nice week and please.. use your time wisely. you get older and you may lose this second. do you think you've used ur time to do something useful? do you adore your own self, now?






nb: i try to use my very time to change be the one that i adore.so i can change to be the most favorite version of myself. tidakkah tertarik, kamu?
saya pengen bgt jadi cewek yang smart, cantik, mandiri dan multi talent. semoga, suatu saat saya bisa:)