alhamdulillah, bisa ketemu bulan Ramadhan lagi tahun ini. alhamdulillah, keluarga masih lengkap bahkan nambah mba fitri dan calon ponakan. alhamdulillah, walaupun sodara nggak ada yang dirumah lagi, tapi masih bisa saur dan buka sama bapak ibu. :)
Ramadhan last year, i got OSCE all in my mind. alhamdulillah, i passed it well =]
and now, my mind's occupied by how medschool took me for these past 2 years. the first year, i focused on myself, rarely got along with my campus mates. i focused on aimagz, IFL, and my closest best friends. but a friend of mine challenged me: to be more active in campus. so i threw myself to the things i didn't involve before. i joined some organizations and some events as a committee. i knew more people better. i know people's name, people started to recognize me more.
but actually i didnt feel happier. :)
my mind's like a full cup of water. with a little shake, it moves hard. i thought my mind had moved so hard this past year. sometimes i forgot what i like, what i really want, what i wanna become and all. i become less focus on myself, i started to lose my self and my connection to God.
my grades are like a downfall in this year. used to get As but now i didnt get any of it. i know, this is me having not-so-good priority management all along. but actually, despite of the sadness after i got those scores, i felt really really thankful cs i never had less than B. i really really mean it. Allah is So Much Kind that He never let me be 'that' sad of my grades. alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. He's Sooooooo Good:"") well, i didnt study as much, as hard, as i did last year, i know this is me that didnt adapt so far. compared to my other college mates, maybe im left behind, but at least i did what i wanted to do; challenged my self to be more active in campus. now it turns out that i didnt like it much, those weren't as good as i thought. well at least, now i know:) i hope all's getting better next academic year. bismillah:)
i see so manyyyyyyyyyy ambitious people here in my campus. at first it looked challenging and fun. but the more i see, the more i feel not-so-good about them. learnt from my daddy, he got doctoral study but never really intended to be a professor. but i see him as a real engineer. he knows how to fix things, he thinks about most of the things with physics law, or any other scientific proof. i still see him as a great engineer with brain. in other hand, i often see people here, pursuing the things that they may not like. im really really excited to hear the lectures from the ones who are really passionates about the topic they bring, but that's not so often. i even had heard of my skills lab tutor said: "obsgyn is a complex thing, it's hard, you take care of two souls in a body. it's so much risky. hhh... what did i thought when i was taking this?"
i wish i'll take speciality, or any kind of further study, just because i like it much, not because society says it's great, it's good, or it's fine, not because society says i'm capable of that.
medschool requires a lot of extra works, less ego, more tolerant, and most of the time it's art. the art to help the doctors decide what to do, what to prescribe, what to say, to the patient, 'cause medicine is still a cloudy one to be fully discovered.
i meant it when i said i thought so much about quitting this school, but i couldnt imagine better place than medschool. sigh.
so thankyou, Medschool. for taking me to the place i've never been before, like, cranium, brain nerves, muscles, heart, liver, or even to the place like the drugs between its good and its toxicity, and to the place like law and communication we never thought we needed it. thankyou for the amazing experience, which pushed me to my almost-limit, to prove me that i actually could do the things that i really wanted to do. thank you.
and hello, Ramadhan. semoga Ramadhan taun ini bisa lebih baik ibadahnya, juga lebih khusyu' tanpa sering2 banget buber yang bikin nggak tarawih di masjid itu hehe. amiin:)
5 things to be grateful about yesterday:
1. got not-so-good grade but it's tolerable. despite of my laziness, it's such a good. thank You Allah:)
2. sahoor and iftar with my parents. !!!!:)
3. panen banyak buah dari kebun = bikin sup buah home made and it's organic one!
4. sedikit2 ibadah bisa di tingkatkan:D
5. supportive friendssssssss!!!!!!! got sooo many of 'em :)
alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah..
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