last friday

yeah, if it's not clear enough, this is the last friday before the college life starts. i am excited beside very scared of what will be coming to me. new friends, new place, new subjects; as i wanted, and (please) still want are really... matters. i always picture on my mind, studying in a peaceful place, and stay focus on study, like staying in library for hours, staying up late for reading. but i can't guarantee i would do that..... but i have to. i have to. i have to.

it's not that i am not clearly being thankful of all of this. but, im afraid this will be far from what i've imagined. i always afraid to face the reality. i was living in a drama i made for lightening my reality. well, the reality had punched me a little. i met few college friends and see some of them in facebook group. im so sorry to write this, but i don't feel comfortable with them. or just not yet? i don't really know.

most of those who wants to be doctors want to get most money, or follow what their parents want them to do, or just have no idea what their super good brains are for.
i hate the fact that i'll not be with those who are passionately help the world to cure it the best.
they're not global minded. they think that taking med school and have specialization study after that are the best thing they could ever do.
i wanna meet people who dream about making new medicine, cure hiv/aids, have a project on cancer cells. well, i am sorry for being so under estimate, over reacting, and so judging at the first meet. i know this is wrong, but i don't wanna disappointed more than this.


but this aint about those others students. this is how can you help the world instead. if being an ordinary curing doctor helps the world, i'm sure i will be one of them. but.... im gonna make it clear how i wanna help the world, but first i wanna be the part of it. i wanna study abroad. most of people say: we doctors dont need to go abroad 'cause it's different thing we learn in other country and make no benefit when we come back home.
well, i'll prove you wrong. small-minded guys that got trapped in bureaucracy are the ones i expect the least i wanna learn from. i wanna be around world-class tutors, wide-minded people, thick books, hard worker people, independent students, and all. i want the experiences and the study. please please please, Allah, let me get this dream:)
amin..