hello, midnight shadow!:)

hello midnight shadow.
i miss you.
you slipped in my dream last night and we talked like we used to. why didnt you see me when im awake?

i remember when i knew you at first time. you asked few things. you were another stranger i met at the certain time. i never expected that you could be one of those guys that i could really talk to. we told story about past and present, also nearly future. we talked about our anxiety and expectation. we talked about personal things even we'd known only for such a short amount of time. i felt like nothing to lose; you're shadow, you aint real, you're like my treasure box; you kept my things, my stories, even the darkest and the brightest one at that moment.

but no, we didnt talk that much, actually. we only have midnight; when i was awake, when you were coming. and you know what midnight does to human brain? it leads to our deepest thoughts. so i only talked about deep things, which for me was really really good (but maybe for you it's boring). i forgave you for being only a shadow, 'cause you're the only one i could talk to about that kind of things.

i remember when we talked about some kind of movies and i asked you about your favorite movie;that movie. when i only remembered about Kate Winslet plus her total red hair and the running-from-one-frame-to-another scenes,  you remembered about the whole things.
"i dont get that movie. what does that movie mean? why dont they go back together if the love's still there?" i remember that kind of question i asked to you. the investigative and specific and mind-fckin question that may annoy most of guys. because it's tooo stupid to be asked about.

"you know, that maybe, past is good but that destructing, it can hurt a person that much."
i didnt even expect you to answer that much of question in such beauty and brief words.
and i couldn't differ whether you talked about that movie or about yourself.

i remember when we talked about some good music and i asked you about your favorite music and you named an indie band that i rarely heard about. you named a specific band and a song. you told me why you loved that music. and i cant remember when was the last time i listened to that song and not remembering about you.

well actually it's not about what movie you've seen, not about what music you've listened. it's you that have a really specific answer for all my questions.

most of girls know what they really want. like a mascara from NYX, or a cheese cake around the city, or that light brown ankle boots, or a plain pink sweater that have a little detail on the neck. girls are that specific. but it doesnt work on average guys. guys are really specific on the things they specifically like. usually, it's not including naming a specific music and the movie they love. you surprised me once again.

i could put down my book right before exams when i was talking with you. talking with you brought me to my favorite scene on drama movies; to talk about anything with not-so-known guy. (and compared to exams preparation... well.)

and how you showed up when the sun was still high once in a while, i was really happy.

i remember how you said you were tired, but i knew you had your heart on your tribe. i predicted that now you lead them somehow, i could see how much you put your love on that tribe. and on your family. and on your closest guys. but not on yourself.

i always wanted to see you happy. you deserved that. for all the things you did to your tribe and your family. you deserved someone who could make your day a whole lot brighter
and i knew from the very first time that it wasnt me.
even it broke me to the pieces.

we lived in different kind of world. you were more comfortable living in your own world and i aint the one who wanted to move out. i knew that the time i had with you was only present; you wouldn't remember me as your past and absolutely wouldn't consider myself in your future.
fate is fate. fate will set us into a perfect timing and perfect place, if it wants us to be so.
but it didnt.

so you left and i let go.
i didnt believe in myself, i adored you that much i couldnt even see myself fail to make you happier.


"im glad you can stop yourself from falling for him. 'cause if you fall, i bet you fall so hard for him."

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spoiler for my upcoming writing project :)