i've been thinking of saying my gratitude to this friend, i even had said it. but i don't think he really understand how much i'm thankful of having him. so instead, i make this letter. i wanna make it more personal by give it directly to him but i don't think i could. i wish this doesn't sound like a creepy and cranky love letter.
dear you.
for the fights we had, for the stupid convos we usually had, for the foolish imagination of our life in our minds; thank you. i can be me when im with you. i can tell you anything, literally anything. we talked about shits, and we laughed. i never knew that they're really fun until we didn't do it any longer.
it's wonderful how you seemed not listening my story but then came out with a resume plus any comments. i was surprised for times. it's really sweet how you encouraged to do the things i slightly thought but never brave enough to do. you always told me to not be afraid, to be sure at anything i do; which i rarely do. you told me to have a fully consciousness in anything i do, not just merely do. thank you. thank you. thank you.
one thing that i always afraid to do was writing. until you came out with that silly idea "read your tweets make me think that you could be the next mario teguh...." then i remember i laughed hard.
i ever thought about it, dumb-ass. but never thought about it any longer. i thought, i may write, but ten years later. when i have kids, got nothing to do in the saturday afternoon...
then you echoed again.
"come on, just write. you're gonna be a good writer." not only for once, but for times i fail to count.
thank you. for this, i would ever never thank you enough. i made fictionframe.tumblr.com to publish the stories i've been written. and i felt really shame but then brave enough to share it on twitter. i take my patience to wait the bravery comes to me to make me publish it on facebook so it will sound louder.
thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you for zillion times.
i never told you my love story until i felt secured enough. when i did it, you just laughed, played with your cellphone, then i forgot that i ever told you that kind of stuffs. until someday i talked about another story and you said how much i felt bad for my previous lovey-devey thingie. how it makes me stuck and got me nowhere. how it makes me afraid to start anything new. then you encourage me to let myself brave enough to let anyone come in, just to make sure i don't miss anyone good. then i let person(s) came in then i broke my heart, dont you know? it doesn't feel good.. but thank you, to let me feel that bitter sweet feelings again. well, it's exactly like how a coffee tastes; bitter, sweet, yet awakening.
we talked about boys and girls in general, for times. i told ya to be a good guy, and you told me to be pretty, inside and out. told me about how much pretty girls don't care about their outer look and not-so-pretty girls go too much. you told me to not be so much careless for what's inside and outside myself, then told me to not get too much because it's irritating. i kept silent but i do what you said. thank you again.
i didn't believe in myself, so much (actually). i have a mask i use for my daily life so i could fake my confidence, so sometimes i could really feel confident while at the other moment i really don't have any. you told me i'm pretty, you told me im smart, you told me im good and fun. yet our friendship is too good to be broken by the lovey dovey thingie you said when i asked you why we aint dating if im that good, right? maybe it's a little thing to you, maybe it's been a total big fat lie you told me, but it really works on me. i'm starting to believe in myself even better. not much male-friends i've got told me so. you even said it not only once. thank you for ensuring me. i started to believe in my self. thank you.
you told me i less explored myself in my college life, i ignored that thought at first. told ya i joined activities outside school much. then you said again, that i still need to mingle to my college friends. then i ignored you again. but then i realized, it's true. then i started to think about what i can contribute to my campus. it's not gonna be true if it's not you telling me that kind of thing. thank you. thank you.
i'm really embarrassed when i thought about how you read those words but i can't help myself writing that kind of stuff. hhhh....
some people grow together, some grow apart. i don't mind not being your closest best friend anymore, as long as we can be together in good and in bad. or if it's still not possible, let's be casual friend who talked via chat and twitter.
or at least let's share a smile when we meet?
lols. you probably questioning how could i be this mellow writing a letter to you. i'm this kind of person if it's about my personal stuffs. plus im listening to adhitya sofyan's newest album with the cloudy sky ahead. and we barely talk nowadays, aint we?:p
i hope this is enough to express my gratitude to you my dearest friend. you're good, you should find one good person too, to stop you for chasing those random fun again; to finally let you feel the enthusiasm just because you have her is enough. then you can be more focused on yourself.
have a nice day! thank you for reading this stupid letter. terimakasih!!:D
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